


Not Quite What I Expected

by remanth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker, Hurt!Cas, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, fallen!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 18:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remanth/pseuds/remanth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has to learn about being human the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite What I Expected

It had been a month since Castiel had fallen and moved in with the Winchesters in the bunker. A month in which they had gotten used to living with each other, gotten into fights, made up, and gotten a little closer. Granted, the space the bunker afforded helped, as Sam could get away when Dean was being particularly, well, _Dean-ish_. Dean was afforded the same when his little brother was being a little too precise and corrective.

As for Cas, for he went exclusively by Cas now that he had fallen and was no longer an angel, he was merely trying to get used to being human. Hunger, thirst, exhaustion, aches, none of them made any sense at all to the formerly celestial being. He’d had a taste of what being human was like years before, after he’d carved a banishing sigil into his chest to help fight against his brothers. But this was permanent and Cas was still trying to wrap his mind around it.

It wasn’t that Cas didn’t understand what being a human was about. He’d watched them for eons, really, knew as much about them as he possibly could from simple observation rather than interaction. And he wasn’t stupid or clueless. It was simply that Cas didn’t understand humanity _in relation to him_. But the fact that the Winchesters were there to explain things, to show him what to do by example, truly helped. Just the fact that Cas knew Dean might chuckle a bit and give him a chiding grin or Sam would just shake his head and smile made him more comfortable with asking. It was... messy and complicated, being human.

Every day brought something new that Cas had to learn and deal with. Today, it was a fairly large cut on his hand that Dean was cleaning and bandaging. He couldn’t believe how it had happened; clumsiness had never been part of his make-up as an angel. But learning how to sharpen knives without the preternatural reflexes of his previous state of being was dangerous, as the still-bleeding slice on his palm could attest.

“Luckily, I don’t think you’ll need stitches,” Dean commented as he pressed a clean cloth onto the wound. It didn’t want to stop bleeding but it wasn’t very deep. It was just ragged and long, the whole width of Cas’s palm. “Stitches itch like crazy when cuts are healing.”

“This is not quite what I expected,” Cas replied, staring curiously down at the cloth that was slowly staining red.

“What’s that?” Dean asked, lifting the cloth again to check the wound. The blood had stopped leaking out and Dean figured that meant he could continue with the first aid routine. He pulled out the bag of supplies they kept in the bathroom and grabbed gauze and some paper tape.

“Humanity, being human,” Cas said, a tinge of sadness in his voice. “I’ve been wounded as an angel and healed it myself with my grace. It wasn’t something I’d ever worried about. Now, I realize again how fragile this body is. How prone to damage and death. How do you cope?”

Dean wiped away a last few drops of blood as he thought. This wasn’t a question he could just laugh off or answer sarcastically. He could hear the pain in Cas’s voice and knew it was partially his fault the angel had fallen. Unrolling the gauze, Dean carefully worded his answer.

“It’s something that all humans are aware of, I think,” Dean said softly, holding Cas’s hand in his and wrapping the gauze around the palm in sure, smooth movements. “We learn to take care of ourselves and be careful. I don’t think any human has ever not felt time ticking away. It makes us do stupid and reckless things sometimes too.”

Once Cas’s hand was wrapped, Dean tore off a piece of the paper tape and taped the loose end down. He tugged on it, resituating the cotton and making sure it was secure. With a reassuring smile, Dean placed Cas’s hand carefully on his knee and started putting all the supplies away. There was a comfortable silence for several seconds and Dean looked up to see Cas staring down thoughtfully at his hand.

“I’ve felt time as waves and sound,” Cas began meditatively, blue eyes rising to meet Dean’s green ones. “I felt the turn of the sun, of the Earth, of the planets. I’ve felt the birth and death of stars and galaxies. I watched humans grow from single-celled organisms to the marvelous creatures they are today. You only understand a fraction of what time is. Now that I’m human, I’m losing all the... knowledge, the grace-deep information I’ve always had. It’s strange and I don’t like it.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said quietly, breaking their eye contact to stare down at the floor. “If there was any other way, I would have taken it. I would rather you had not fallen, had not been tossed down into the muck with the rest of us grunts.”

Dean started as a hand gently cupped his cheek and jaw. Pressure caused his head to tip up again and he met Cas’s eyes. There was a gentle humor and overwhelming love there, something Dean had denied himself from seeing. Now, he couldn’t avoid it and felt a tremulous smile pull at his lips.

“Things happened as they did, Dean,” Cas told him, determination and a strange peace melding with the love in his eyes. “Now we must accept it and move on.”

Dean nodded, some impulse making him reach up and wrap his fingers around Cas’s wrist. They stayed in that position for several timeless moments, thousands of words flying between them in the silence. Whatever else happened, at least they had this connection, this bond that had been forged in Hell and weathered everything angels, demons, death, and fate had thrown at them.

“Let’s go back and I’ll show you how to hold a whetstone so you don’t cut yourself,” Dean finally said, voice loud in the silence. “It just takes practice.”

Cas nodded and dropped his hand, fingers lingering as they fell in a gentle caress over Dean’s cheek. Silently, both men headed back out to the main room where Sam was still cleaning their guns at another table. The younger Winchester nodded affably at them before dropping his gaze back to his work. He knew from personal experience how good Dean was at first aid. The rest of the day passed without any further accidents and Cas felt that he could come to like being human. Especially with Dean at his side.


End file.
